I am a peasant blessed with ‘rubbish sense’ in this castle renovation simulation
House flipping, the practice of buying a terrible house, fixing it and selling it for a lot of money, first took the television world by storm with shows like Flip This House and Property Brothers. . Then it made its way to PC and became a surprising success with games like Flipper House. Something about fixing windows, painting the walls, and sucking up bugs to turn a nightmare property into a beautiful home has hit the right spot for players, and there have been a number of ” other renovation-type games since, like Renovation of the station and PowerWash Simulator.
And I really understand. There is something about fixing a virtual mess (as in Detail of viscera cleaning) it’s immensely appealing, especially when there’s so much mess in real life that we can’t just sweep away. And now you can step into a time machine and clean up the mess of the past with Castle Flipper. It’s like House Flipper, but medieval in style.
Eager to turn a crappy castle into the hottest property in the kingdom, I run the demo and enter my kingdom. My kingdom sucks, by the way. It’s a single broken down shack on a small patch of property, but browsing Castle Flipper you’ll earn money fixing other people’s disastrous homes and homes (and sometimes just finding huge chests of land). ‘or – more on that in a minute). Then you can pour that sweet medieval money into your own property and gradually go from the needy pushing a broom to a prince wielding a scepter.
My first job is to repair a settlement that was recently hit by a hurricane. Some wooden pillars have been chopped down, fences and palisades are lacking in wooden planks, a few large trees need to be removed – I’m not sure why, it’s not like they suddenly sprouted during the storm – and there is a ton of trash to pick up.
This is where I discover my destiny. And my destiny is to collect the garbage. This is because I am a peasant with a gift, the enchanted “rubbish sense” that legends and traditions speak of. I can press a key and every bit of litter or unsightly stain is highlighted.
Of course, some people are gifted with the ability to see the future, ghosts, or auras. Some assassins have Eagle Sense, some adventurers have Dark Vision. I can tell if a wagon wheel must not be lying in the ground or if a piece of rope is unrecoverable. This is my blessing. It’s my curse. I am Sees-Trash, son of Spots-Litter, janitor next to the mountain.
I guess I still have a few obscure gifts, like the fact that when I pick up a piece of trash it suddenly ceases to exist. Broken boards, broken barrels and other pieces of rubbish, I touch them with my hand and they are gone forever. It’s pretty cool! I can also destroy things with my hammer, and I mean destroy them so quickly and completely that they are banished to another dimension. I’m preparing for the task of taking down two large trees, which I guess will take a ton of work, but a smash with my hammer and they just disappear. This is not a complaint: I have had enough laboriously chopping down trees in games and has been for some time now.
And I can see why people also hire me to build houses. Once I have the frame in place, using wood from the same dimension that I banish broken trees and barrels in, I can add walls and roofs with just one blow of a hammer. (It’s a different hammer, smaller than the one I use to atomize trees, and it produces the huge shower of sparks you would expect when installing a hardwood floor.) Building an entire house only takes a few seconds, so I’m starting to feel confident that I’ll be able to build an entire kingdom in just a week.
And it doesn’t hurt that in cleaning up trash and putting up walls I sometimes stumble upon hidden treasure. No, not a few dark bronze pieces that slipped between medieval sofa cushions or a partially buried silver chalice that can be dusted off and sold for a few wreaths. I mean a giant fucking treasure chest filled several feet deep with gold bars and coins. You know, the kind of treasure you might find randomly behind a stone wall while walking around.
Castle Flipper, based on this brief rundown, makes it seem like it may be a little too simple for people who enjoy house flipping and remodeling games. Even that train station remodeling game I played required me to haul the trash in the trash and physically throw it away, rather than just vanishing into thin air with one click. But there’s no denying that it’s always satisfying enough to see a mess laid out in front of you and spend some time cleaning it up. If you wanna see if that’s your kind of mess Castle Flipper releases on Steam May 26.